The game of Clue ... was it the Butler?

So I am now playing the game of Clue .. or should I say, I am participating at this point. My Doc called late on Wednesday afternoon to say that my CT scans looked "good" and that he felt that he could rule away lymphoma. I am praising the Lord for that one and feeling quite a bit of relief. He then said he would like to me see an "Infectious Disease" Dr. that he has been consulting with. He didn't rule out "Sarcoidosis" .. in fact, on the contrary, to get a complete diagnosis of that .. you have to rule out other things first. Apparently, it's an obscure disease with little known cause etc.

So, I have an apt. set for Monday afternoon with this Dr. that my Dr. would like me to see. In the back of my head I think, doesn't the word "Infectious Disease" sound a little concerning to anyone? Apparently, they can run the gammit and my Doctor says, an "infectious Disease" Dr. is like a detective who takes all the pieces and puts together the mystery. Hmmm ... I get it, the game of CLUE.

So in my game of Clue, I decided that I would play. I chatted with Dr. Stigal yesterday afternoon again and asked him if he'd like me to send over all my symptoms and when I feel them. Could it be the candlestick? It sounds crazy, but they come and go, get worse and then better and then come and go again. He thought that was brilliant and humbly said when I asked if I should send them to Marilyn (his nurse) .. no, fax them to "Brian". (him)
I have to say that my Dr. is the most humble and unpretentious man that I have ever met. He called my cell yesterday afternoon. I knew it was the office as I recognized the number but on the other end was a soft voice that simply said "hello". I said "hello" as if to say "who is this" and he said "Hi, this is Brian'. Um, I am just going out on a limb here, but don't Dr.'s work a long time to earn that title. So, I answer "Well, hello Dr. Stigal". He asks how I am doing, we chat. He goes over things he is thinking through. We laugh a little as I tell him that Doug says he's been trying to figure me out for like 13 years so he wished him luck. Dr. Stigal chuckled and then said "your a mystery .. but we'll get you figured out". The conversation was not like any other that I have had with a Dr. He is so gentle, humble, and instead of the typical all knowing attitude .. he lays down his pride and totally relies on the Lord to direct him. What refreshment in his spirit! I simply continue to pray for the Lord to lead him ...

So we wait more. We see this Dr. on Monday for some more blood work and prodding. I still have symptoms .. swollen nodes, weird pains and aching in my chest that come and go, pain in my joints that range from feeling like I'm 90 to some moments just feeling a slight fatigue. My energy has increased and the praise I can report is that I have had the ability to get up, get going and do things for my family each day. That is a blessing! As the day goes on and the more I do, the more the symptoms become pronounced. Yet again another clue to this game!

Thank you for all your prayers! I continue to ask you to pray for clarity and a clear and definitive diagnosis. I have to laugh a little ... when I was younger, there was a time that I had multiple heart murmurs (well, I suppose I still do). My pediatrician became alarmed and had my parents take me to a pediatric cardiologist. I can remember the tests and I can remember it well. I also remember the Doctor saying "Well, our findings are .. she's normal but abnormal" I can totally remember my Dad's response like it was yesterday "All that to find out something we already knew". HAHA. I feel like that kid again .. going through all these tests. And yes, I am apparently still not normal. Are you surprised?

Lastly, I have a friend in this blog land world that wrote me. She is dealing with some similar stuff. She will be having lymph nodes removed .. 3 of them. They are trying to determine if she is dealing with lymphoma. Can you pray for her? Will you pick up your sword and put on your armor for her? She's a beautiful woman ..a Mom .. a wife. She's scared. She knows the Lord. Alicia, you are covered! Rest in his arms and let us be the body who places ourselves between your fear and faith ...
Thank you friends for praying for Alicia!

Until next time ....
Do you think it was the Librarian??

I am waiting to wake up ...

The past week has felt like a dream ... a nightmare really. I keep wondering when I'll wake up. Whose life is this? This doesn't happen ... not to anyone I know.
I then open my eyes and realize that yes, the voice telling me to hold my breathe is the audio voice of the CT scan machine. This is my life, I am the one here ... it's not a dream.

The CT scan was done yesterday morning. I wasn't aware that they'd be putting dye into my veins. A very weird sensation to say the least as the warmth of it begins to pass through your body. As the technician told me what would come, my eyes must have told her what my head was thinking.

"It's o.k. to cry" she said "This is scary, I know".

I am told to hold my breathe and don't swallow. The CT scan will be taking pictures of my lymph nodes and chest. They mark specific spots on my neck and ask lots of questions. I don't have answers really ... I feel like I am in here blindly.

It doesn't take long. The scan is complete within minutes. The hardest part physically was holding my breathe and not swallowing. Mentally, the battle rages inside of me.
The technician says the scans look "good". What does that mean .. I mean, really, what I want to know is ... what do you see?

But I have to wait.

My amazing husband has taken over my reigns. It is no longer that I find myself calling the office and asking "When". The CT passes and he calls. He calls again. Again. and yet again. The nurse tells Doug that Dr. Stigall is waiting on all the scans. He will review them and then call me immediately in. I don't need an appointment. They have "set aside" some time in the day. I am now the "STAT" patient.

Something I thought I'd never say "I'd be happy to be the patient who goes unnoticed and has to bring a book and wait in the waiting room". Apparently, the word STAT means .. something isn't quite right.

SO now we wait. I have been blown away by prayers. Friends e-mailing prayers. Friends calling. Friends wanting to help .. in any way they can. My Mom who has graciously given every ounce of herself to make our life seemingly normal. She has helped with the kids, come to visit, made meals, done laundry, and just gotten me out of the house to do the things in life you have to do .. prepare birthday party plans for our beautiful Maliah, celebrate those moments in life worth celebrating.

In the back of my head, I fight with the enemy. I rebuke his plans to cover me in fears. My heart knows that the Lord is my strength. I keep going to Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.". I work to take the belt of truth and put it on. I know this is truth .. but my head .. my head swims in thoughts at different moments of the day. I am reminded moment by moment that I'm not well. My body aches. My joints are aching .. they wake me at night. I tire easy. I know I'm not myself. A reminder that I am in a war .. with what? I don't know yet. But I am preparing to fight!

I find comfort in those whom have secured their armor and have drawn their swords to help me fight my battle. As I showered today, my eyes welled in tears as I realized that I was seeing the Kingdom here on earth. My sisters and brothers, carrying my burdens, being the hedge between my fear and my faith. Fear can seem to cripple and yet, in an instant .. it's gone and i have peace. For me, I realize that faith is indeed what we do not see but we know. I know this, your prayers are felt. In the moments that that fear creeps in .. the Lord replaces it with his calming peace and assurance - a Saint must have said a prayer perhaps. He is my God ... he will "Provide my needs before I ask. He will help me while I am still asking for help" (Isaiah 65:24).

I wait .. the house is quiet. I just spent the morning with my beautiful four year old daughter and my Mom. We picked out all the princess party supplies for the glorious celebration of Maliah on Saturday. We had lunch, we laughed and we talked. My Mom has now taken my angel and is going to get my kids from school. They are going to have a Granny and PiPa afternoon so I can rest a little and because, well, Doug says that the Dr. said that today he would call and then we'd see what was next.

Thank you, my friend, for all your doing to walk with me and our Lord. You will never know the impact and power of each step you take with me!

Pressing on .. and oh, taking a nap. I think I'll relish in a few minutes of stillness!

it's never a short story ...

Where do I begin? Let's rewind a little to a few months ago. I told Doug that I wanted to change my "family physician" to Dr. Stiggall. Dr. Stigall is the physician that treats my in-laws, my parents and Doug. I joked saying that I felt left out since everyone else was his patient. I also knew that it had been quite a while since I had had a physical. 3 years to be exact. I hadn't had a full physical, aside from a girlie apt., since the one we completed for our adoption paperwork. I figured it was time to get in.

So on October 9th I had my physical with Dr. Stigall. It went well and everything seemed to be in check - that day I felt fine.
That night I began to have an aching in my lymph nodes under my neck. I thought I must be starting to get sick and wondered when the soar throat would appear. By Tuesday, no other symptoms had arrived but the lymph nodes had gotten progressively more swollen. I set out that morning to do my blood work for the physical (because i had to fast) and then I went to the local Urgent care about my nodes. The doctor quickly looked me over, felt of them and then said that I may be fighting something .. probably strep. With little bedside manner she threw in that it could be "mono" and if they didn't go away .. things like this could also point to lymphoma. WHAT? Did she really say that so cavalier? She gave me an antibiotic that would last 10 days and sent me on my way. Mental note ... next time, I won't go to Urgent Care.

9 days later .. no change. I remember telling Doug that something just didn't feel right and I thought I'd call Dr. Stigall. I went in and indeed he said that the two chains of nodes running down my neck were swollen. He thought perhaps it was something bacterial and so he prescribed a different antibiotic that would cover a larger range of bacterias. In the meantime, the lab had not gotten my blood work back so he said he was "curious to see what that said" and would be in touch soon.

6 days later ... still no change and done with the next round of antibiotics. At this point I was beginning to feel very fatigued and getting the things done in my day seemed impossible. I was sleeping like a rock at night ... it actually all seemed to point to and indicate a possible mono situation.
So, back to the Dr. I went. I told Dr. Stigall that I just wasn't myself and they were still not going away. He agreed that they were still very swollen and seemed to take things a little more seriously (not that he didn't the first time). More questions, more probing into how I felt and what I was feeling. He said he'd like to do addition blood work .. test for things that aren't routing on a CBC panel. He then gave me a B-12 shot in hopes it would give me some energy until as he would say "he could fix me". Once again, he'd be in touch.

So I waited for the blood work and then yesterday at 3:00 the phone rang. On the other end was Lacy, the sweet nurse whom I have seemingly gotten to know over the past 3 weeks. She said "Cristie, Dr. Stigall needs to see you today and he wants to do a Chest X-ray". "Today", I said. "Yes, today, how long does it take for you to get here". "45 minutes". "O.K. great, I'll put you down for 4:00 .. be sure to tell the front desk your here and they'll come and get me".
Today .. like as in 1 hour. My stomach sank.

Immediately, the enemy had my head spinning. I called my Mom who had graciously taken Maliah for the day and who was on her way to get my kids from school. Through my tears I told her I was scared and then she said she'd go with me. She said not to worry .. he probably thought it was pneumonia or something.

Next call .. Doug. He listened and then admitted shock. He too said he'd meet me at the office.

Once at the office I was given two sets of Chest X-rays and awaited to see Dr. Stigall. As we sat in the room it felt like time stood still. Doug asked me what was going through my mind ... wonderment of what was going on was all I could say.

Dr. Stigall came in with the films and began to tell me all sorts of things. To be honest, as I told him, it's all Japanese to me .. what does it mean? I remember telling him at one point, "I don't know what your saying to me".
First he said that my blood had a high level of something called "ACE". I looked it up and at this point can only remember the word "Angiotensin and Enzyme". He said this was an indicator of something called "Sarcoidosis". He then began to explain that on my chest film there were several small spots that shouldn't be there. Showing me them I could see them as well. He felt that with the high levels and these spots it was indicating that indeed this was a "Sarcoidosis" symptom. Still unclear Doug asked "is this treatable". He said indeed it was ... praise the Lord. He proceeded to write it down and hand me a piece of paper with it on it.
He then went on to say that my white blood count was good but that he could not rule out lymphoma.
Next step he said was a CT scan that would show the size of my lymph nodes. As he continued to talk my mind wondered in a thousand different directions. WHAT was he saying ... was I dreaming? This isn't and couldn't be real?
The last thing he said was that he just didn't know ... and that with a CT scan and a possibly biopsy, we'd have a better indication of what we were dealing with.

As we closed out the appointment, Dr. Stigall looked at both of us and asked if he could pray over me. In that moment my eyes flood with tears ... THIS is why I felt left out .. THIS is why he Lord led me here. The Lord knew what was going on and is going on in my body .. he knew that I needed someone who has the faith and trust in the Lord that in all honesty I needed to lean on in these moments. Dr. Stigall shared that he was working with another Dr. in his practice on my case (an infectious disease Doc.). He shared that he told her that I had come to him for the first time this month. He looked me square in the eyes and said "She said you came to me this month for a reason".
So pray he did. He prayed for wisdom, and direction. He confessed not knowing all the answers but that our Lord does. He prayed for the will in our lives and for a healing - my Doctor prayed with us and then gave Doug and I both a big hug. How big is my GOD!

So today, it all seems like a dream. I haven't yet "told" anyone with exception to my family. What do I say ... because I don't really know.
What I do know is that something isn't right. What I do know is that last week I told Doug that I had an uneasiness in my spirit and today I know that that was the Holy Spirit (yes ... we should LISTEN) prompting me. It was that uneasiness that prompted me to call back one more time. I know that the enemy is trying to place thoughts into my mind and I rebuke them, I know that the Lord who created and knows me ... knows this. I know that it was no coincidence that I felt prompted to make a Dr. apt with Dr. Stigall in the very beginning, I know it's no coincidence that the Lord placed me in the care of someone who seeks him for answers. I know that when my phone rang I was working on my bible study "an attitude of faith" which today seems all so fitting ... the Lord preparing me and showing me that I can indeed trust in him and yes, the evidence of things we know but cannot see!

So I ask that you pray for clarity. I ask that you pray that this .. whatever it is ... is something easily treatable. I pray that he would give me a calm spirit and that the enemy of doubt and fear would be rebuked and would flee from my mind and thoughts! Your prayers are coveted. I do know that every one of you, that read this and pray is a warrior in my battle ... one that I cannot fight alone.

So I wait .... and trust and yes, put my study of Faith into practice!

a name

So at Laity Lodge, they laid out a big piece of white paper and told us to go down and write something we wanted prayed over or were thankful for. Of course, the kids were thrilled to get to go write and color. My little ones headed down to do their thing. I wondered what Maliah would do. It seems I am always wondering what Maliah will do.
As I watched, I began to notice that it appeared as though she was writing her name. Really? A little thing I am sure you are thinking but ... really? She's 3! We have NEVER written her name. We have just begun to work on our letters. We aren't necessarily writing them. We are simply trying to recognize them (well, we were then .. NOW .. she knows them!). But oh, yes, she is indeed brilliant and oh yes, she indeed DID write her name.
What I love about how she wrote it is her letter "i". Notice it's actually an exclamation point. How fitting! Isn't Maliah's life just one big exclamation point? Isn't Maliah an exclamation point? Every day with Maliah is summarized as an exclamation point. Giggling I thought, that is PERFECT!
So here's the masterpiece. Try number one at "Maliah" ...

Laity Lodge

Well, I have put aside blog time for quite some time and have realized that I have missed documenting so much fun in the Martine home. I suppose keeping up with 3 kids keeps me busy but so does keeping up with one hubby and his growing business. ha ha.
Anyways, I am going to jump back in time for a few posts and see if I can't down in print some of our fun memories that have been captured over the past few months. It is really for my desire to be able to have it for my keepsake memories that I'll take the time to do some reminiscing. I hope though that along my memory walk, you can enjoy the ride.

So, back on labor day weekend, the Martine's headed out for a little family camp fun. I can't even summarize what a great time we had. Words wouldn't be enough. Perhaps the fact that we hadn't even made it half way home the kids were asking "When do we get to go back" can help give it some perspective.

We ventured out to Laity Lodge family camp on Friday after school. We arrived just in time for a glorious supper .. family style around a big table. All the fixings for a delicious meal and not even prepared by my hands. I knew right away, this place was going to be PERFECT! Once dinner was finished, we headed to the outdoor stage area for worship and a message. Hmm hmm .. this was going to be great!

We stayed bunk style in some cabins. Each family had their own. The kids were so excited to "pick their bunk" and settle in. They giggled for what seemed like hours before the room was finally quiet. The morning came quickly when I heard Canyon and Dakota escape out onto the big porch to meet Daddy who was having coffee. Very soon after, I opened my eyes to see Maliah peering out the window wanting to see what was going on.

Each night we enjoyed family worship led by a few very talented men .. Jay and Cody, you ROCK! Each day we filled our hours with activities, fellowship and fun with our gang and a great staff of college kids and families!

Each day we had family activities and adventures followed by an afternoon full of activities. The first day we ventured out to shoot 22's and then to the "Alpine Tower". Now, that was some fun! The Alpine Tower was about 75-100 feet high and made from enormous logs. You were roped in and you climbed .. simply put. I was scared to death to be honest to climb. I first watched Canyon who like a monkey, decided to give it a try on the toughest side and within minutes was at the top. Wow, fierce competition! Next was Doug, he too made it to the top without too much trouble. By the time it got to me, I was just praying to get through the first stopping and resting point. I learned back at my Captivating experience two years ago that I had more fear of heights than I knew.

As I began to climb up one side, Canyon began climbing up the other. We met at one of the stopping points and then ventured to the top together. I won't lie, there were several moments when I didn't think I'd make it any higher but my sweet hubby and Eric, the awesome kid who had me tied in, kept me motivated and helped me navigate my way to the next good fitting for my hands or feet. Once on the top, I felt like I was on the top of the world. The best part was though that as I arrived, I got a final hand up by my precious nine year old son who had just beat his Mommy to the top. Of course, he was quick to remind me that he did it on the "hardest side".

The weekend was so much fun. The kids played football, went fishing in the river, swung from the zip line, kayaked, and just hung out with their cousins. One afternoon I even got in a good nap and a couple chapters of a book. Each meal was fed to us family style around a table - no planning, no preparing, no cleaning .. just waiting for the dinner bell to ring. The company was awesome. We met some awesome families that came for the experience and some incredible families that work with the HEB Foundation Ministry. Each night we closed down the evening with worship and a message before heading back to our cabins for showers and lights out. It was truly a perfect family event!
Oh did I mention, that my in-laws and my brother in law, sister-in-law and their 5 kids joined us? Yes .. truly, it was a family affair!

Let me see if I can post some pictures of the fun.

The dialogue begins ...

Maliah is proud to tell people she is from China. We are proud for her ... never wanting to deny her heritage or her story. We talk about it, it is often a very common part of dialogue about the day we went on a plane to bring her home. She will exclaim "When you came to China for me". We cheer ... indeed, for us it is the biggest blessing ever. It is worthy of cheering!

The reality is, that someday, the words she speaks will someday begin to penetrate her heart. The questions are coming .. I am beginning to see glimpses of more questions. I welcome them, I welcome the conversation. If there is anything I do know, it is that her story is God's story. He wrote himself into her life from the day she was born. Without details, I can tell you, his hand was on her life ...
Because I know that, I welcome the questions!

Tonight, this was our conversation ...

Maliah - "whose tummy was I in?", Mommy - "I don't know your birth Mommy, but I know she must have loved you lots", Maliah - "But you are da bestest Mommy ever"! Mommy - big tears, Maliah - "God was making me for you!".

The dialogue has begun. Someday those words will seep into her heart and I pray that when they do, she'll know that even in a broken world .. God made perfection!

Perfection .. that is our God .. is he perfect!

The world isn't.

Maliah's world wasn't and never will be. But our God is .. and he makes perfection out of brokenness. He makes whole what was once broken. I trust in his grace, his hands and his leading as we teach Maliah his story in her life! May God's infinite wisdom be the cloud I follow as he shows me how to teach, love and lead the little girl he so graciously entrusted to me!

It's all in your mind

So in the past few months Maliah's imagination has become out of this world. I am not sure I have ever seen a child with such a gift for creativity. I was told recently by a friend that a child with "imaginary friends" are proven to be bright ... I must have the next Einstein because because we don't just have "friends" .. we have a brood.
In months past, our family has grown. We have two imaginary friends (Libby and Gracie) who has an imaginary Dad, Mr. Brown. She also has two imaginary Dogs ... Cinderella and Black Beauty. One day at Office Max the dogs got loose and we almost forget them. Thankfully, we found them when we returned (yes .. returned) to the store to look. We couldn't let our dogs get loose or lost .. that would be awful!
As we were taking the kids into TbarM camp Maliah looked up at me and said that one of her dogs had just died. Rest in Peace Cinderella.
Thankfully, we now have two new puppies and Cinderella has a namesake because well .. they are still black beauty and Cinderella.
Last night at dinner we prayed .. as a family. But to my surprise, Maliah now has kids and holding their hands she led them in prayer too. As she ate dinner she catted with "Billy" .. who is .. her "husband". Wow .. I missed the wedding .. and no one told me I was a GRANDMA!

My girl is a hoot! She can totally and completely entertain anyone in a nears sight. Can you imagine the conversations I overhear. She must really love my sweet friends the Foote's (and her bestest friend, Libby) because well, when they aren't here .. she just imagines they are. Most of the names she chooses, including her "Husband" are their names. Foote family, you must be adored.