I am ...

Have you ever thought about the meaning of your name? I think most of us go through life not giving our name, any name, a second thought. We are born, we are named .. first, maybe middle and last, we are named. Recently, however, the Lord gave me the opportunity to really discover the significance of a name. It's something I have spent the last three plus weeks meditating on and to be honest ... I am still in pursuit of what he has me to learn. Here is how it began ...

About 3 months ago, I was blessed to reconnect with an old college friend and his beautiful wife. It was a divine appointment in more ways than one, however, the most obvious was their heart for adoption and orphans. Brian and Courtney also had been blessed through the gift of adoption with a little boy named Matthew. Very soon after we met, however, Courtney began to share with us their struggle in finalizing their adoption of their beautiful son. What did this mean? Well, many things .. for one, the birth Daddy refused to sign over his parental rights and therefore, in the eyes of our courts .. they could not finalize what had been finalized in their hearts 20 months prior. The second thing this meant, that their beautiful little boy could not legally take their name.

On January 9th, after 20 long months, this sweet family was going to be sitting before a judge and their trial would be heard. I knew going into this day the best and worst case scenarios and I began to pray fervently for them and for this young birth father who is lost in so many ways. At 12:45 on Friday, January 9th, Courtney called to tell me to "pray hard" ... they had gone in for trial at 9:00 that morning only to find that their birth father didn't show up at court. After hearing from both attorney's the judge rejected his attorney's plea for a continuance and told them to convene in his courtroom at 1:30 that day to finalize their adoption. As Courtney shared this news with me, I could hear her excitement and her anxiety as this was what they had prayed for for so long. Could it really be happening? SO ... pray I did. 1:30 past and 2:00 approached and I continued to pray. 2:30 past and then ... finally ... 2:42 I received a text message that said "IT IS OVER, Matthew Josiah is finally a __________! ( I will refrain from using last name in the case they wish me not to). As I read her words I became overwhelmed in emotion. My eyes swelled in tears and to my complete surprise I began to weep. This family, though I hadn't known them long, had become dear to me and I celebrated with them the significance in Matthew's new name!! On January 9, Matthew took on a new name and because of this, his life would forever change! Matthew Josiah now was forever woven into a family!

So, over the past weeks I have meditated on that experience and wondered, besides the obvious, why it completely took my legs out from under me.

As I began to think about a "name", I thought of all the times biblically that God changed the names of his people. Why would he do this .. Abraham, Sarah, Peter, Jacob. He did so as a symbol of how God had changed their lives. Jacob's character changed. Jacob, the ambitious deceiver, had now become Israel, the one who struggles with God and overcomes. God gave great importance to the name and the significance of that name!

What about God himself. Think about the first time he reveals his name. When Moses asks God what do I tell the Israelites when they ask who sent me, "What is his NAME?" God tells Moses "I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: I AM has sent me to you. God reveals his NAME!

Think about the names of Jesus. In different settings, Jesus gave himself names that pointed to special roles he was ready to fulfill for people. Some of these refer back to Old Testament promises of the Messiah. Others were ways to help people better understand him.
"Son of Man" - emphasizing his humanity
"Bread of Life" - his giving role - that he is the only source of eternal life
"Light of the World" - Light being the symbol of truth. Jesus is the Universes answer to spiritual truth
"Gate for the sheep" - Jesus is the only way into God's Kingdom
"Good Sheperd" = Focusing on Jesus's love and guidance
"The resurrection and the life" - not only is Jesus the source of life, but power over death
"The way and the truth and the life" - the purpose for him coming to earth. He is the only method and way into God's Kingdom
"The Vine" - the second part of this is that "you are the branches" meaning that just as branches gain life from the Vine and can't live apart from it, so are we completely dependent on Christ for spiritual life.
Yes ... the names of Jesus overwhelmingly hold great significance and meaning!

What about your name? My maiden name is Gill. That is the name that was given to me at birth as I was woven into a family with this ancestry that comes from this family line. Now that I am married, I have taken on a new last name ... Martine. To me, this symbolizes that I have cleaved from one family and have now joined a new one. While I don't forget where I come from, I now help carry on a new name. My children all carry the name Martine and have been woven into this family. Matthew Josiah now carries on his family name. He now, with awesome celebration, has been woven into this family and someday his children will also carry on that name.

Bigger than that, however, is the example of precious Matthew's adoption and the adoption of my beautiful Maliah. You see, the Lord has showed me through these adoptions a very concrete example of my own adoption. Not the adoption into an earthly family but the adoption into a family with the family line of Christ himself! You see, I have been adopted! When I invited Christ into my life, I became a daughter of the King of Kings!! Meditate on that ... I am the DAUGHTER TO THE KINGS! If I am his daughter and a co-heir of Christ himself then I too have taken on a new NAME. My new name is significant just as the names of Jesus were significant in that it gives me a new role. I am a princess to the King of Kings. My name makes me a co-heir of Christ. WOW!
So, as I watched this beautiful family celebrate this child's adoption and the ability to take on their name, I got a very concrete example ... in the smallest of ways, how the Lord must feel the day that we are adopted into his Kingdom and are forever woven into his family. Weeping, we celebrated Matthew's new life and Maliah's new life ... just as the Lord and his angel's must celebrate ours!

The Sunday after Matthew's adoption, I went to hug the very proud Daddy and congratulate him. Through tears he said he was still processing everything. Can you imagine ... 20 months of praying that he would take his name and officially be made his son! How long did it take for you to become a daughter or son to the King? Do you think he too wept and spent time celebrating! I DO!
As we were talking his beautiful little boy ran to him as he walked into church with Mommy exclaiming "DADDY" and then jumped into his arms without any fear that his loving Daddy would catch him and celebrate his arrival! YES ... another example .... You too are celebrated .... you too have a Daddy you can trust to will catch you as you jump into his arms!

"For you did not receive the spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, Abba (DADDY), Father. Romans 8:15
"Now if we are children, then we are heirs - heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory" Romans 8:17

A home for the homeless

Some of you are close friends ... right here in the heart of San Antonio so you know much about the day to day of the Martine family ... or at least the big moments of our life. Some of you, I have met through blog land and though we have never met ... I know you ... in some weird and familiar way ... I am no stranger to you and you no stranger to me. Though I blog often, often I don't share the nitty gritty of life because well ... it seems sometimes weird or maybe not appropriate for the moment or for perhaps not appropriate for my intent of this blog "Martine Madness" and our daily life of a family of five. Today, I thought though, I'd share a little about what has been going on ... a time of wandering in the desert a little if you will and a time where, well, frankly we have been homeless.

O.K. so, I'm not trying to scare you and don't go spreading any crazy rumors. ... I don't mean literally without a home and physical address, homeless, though it has felt a little like that. I don't mean the physical place to which our family dwells but rather a place where we fit in, where we are a part of a body of believers, where we have a place to call "home" in the spiritual sense. As I recently told Doug "a place where everyone knows your name" (remember good ol' CHEERS)!

It all happened like this:

I don't actually recall the date .. though I could very easily look it up, but a few months ago, our church dissolved and closed its doors. This church was started three years prior by 6 families -- including us. We knew the soon to be Pastor, though I would say ... I knew his wife much better than he, and we (both Doug and I) felt drawn in by his vision and felt very clearly the Lord tell us that we were to be a part of that vision. We had connections with the 5 families, though we didn't necessarily run with them all the time nor would I say they would have considered our family their closest companions BUT we had a complete peace about what would soon be our new family and new home... "Cedar Gap Family Church".

Over the next three years the Lord taught us many things .. the good, the bad and well ... maybe sometimes even the ugly of the underbelly of a church. We were a small church, running about 20-30 families, and so much like a small town ... everything seemed to be magnified to some degree. If you go to a church then you also know that their is much to be done .. ministries, childcare each week, organization, set up, tear down(as we were in rented spaces), bible studies, small groups and more. In a small church, you have those very same needs only their is fewer to tend to them and few to lead them. What does that sometimes mean ... well, exhaustion to be put simply. BUT ... with all of that said, Cedar Gap was our home and at the end of each day (or service) something just kept us going back for more. The worship wasn't professional but wonderfully intimate. The messages completely biblical and well delivered. The Elder meetings ran long (as Doug was one and their were many 12:00am arrivals home) and their always seemed to be something to solve, something to tweak or something to change.
You know, I suppose that our church was a lot like, well, family! We had our highs and lows but it was always nice to walk into the "home" and just fit in and be with people you knew and knew you.

The night Cedar Gap (or it's Elders rather) decided to close our doors, Doug came home to share the news. It was about 11:00 at night and it was definitely not something I was expecting. As Doug shared what had just transpired and the reasons that the men had come to this decision, I would admit that I mostly just kept thinking ... but where do I call "home". Immediately I felt homeless and had a fear about not being connected "somewhere". The following weekend we had a celebration service and it was very emotional. The last intimate worship, the last message and then the last pot luck feast as a family together. Many who had once called Cedar Gap "Home" also returned for the celebration. We closed those doors on very much a high that day. The reasons to Cedar Gaps closing season was definitely all good ... families being led to new opportunities, teenagers wanting more etc. Their was no division, no ill feelings or financial jeopardy. The Lord had simply closed one chapter of the book and was awaiting to start a new chapter.

Lost and Homeless ...

That's where the closing of those doors left me feeling. It's left me deliberating on it for some time. What should church look like now? Where will we fit in? Where will the Lord lead us and where will we ultimately feel at home?

We're still figuring all of that out but I will say that the Lord has led us into the walls of a body of believers where it just feels right. The pastor is totally on fire and is completely on fire for building the Kingdom of God. We have seen some familiar faces within it's walls and have already had dinner with one new family we have met along the way (which is all God!). It isn't yet home and we are definitely still the new guys on the block. Nobody knows our names (well ... maybe a few) but the Lord is teaching me that it's not the church that makes the home. He has taught me the last few months that I can't find my identity in four walls or even in a body of people. My identity is found in HIM and even when he strips it all away, shakes it up, and changes it around ... .he's still the same ... still there! Oh and hey ... guess what ... HE KNOWS MY NAME and ultimately ... HOME is with HIM!

Family Hiking!

Well, I am sitting here in a very quiet house. Maliah is up taking a nap and the three others are outside on this very COLD afternoon. All I can hear is the sound of the laundry tumbling around and around in the dryer ... awaiting me to do SOMETHING with it! It's the Sunday before the world goes back to "Normal" and I am here pondering over Mondays.

The kids start back to school tomorrow. "Martha", my much loved cleaning help will come tomorrow and I will by days end have a much needed cleaner house. The toys will be put back into their homes in the morning and my honey will be back at his full work weeks. My coffee moments will be less rambunctious than the one I had today where the kids timed themselves to see how fast they could run to the wall and back 5 times. My quiet times with the Lord will only be interrupted by my almond eyed beauty and not a blue eyed princess sucking her fingers and during the day I won't hear my girls creating and re-creating fantasy land in the playroom. HMMMM .... no wonder I feel a little down this afternoon.... "Normal" just isn't as lively and quite as full of LIFE is it? On the flip side of that, my afternoons will soon be consumed again by ballet, basketball practices, picking up kids, rushing home for homework and trying to figure out what in the world I should make for dinner. My mornings will start a little earlier and we will rush about getting up two weary eyed little children, brushing hair/teeth, eating breakfast and making lunches before sending them off ... all in a 30 minute time span. Each night in my head I will count how many more days until Friday, just like I did when I was a kid, only this time ... to see when my house will be filled up again for the weekend. Yep, "normal" is a mixture of the chaos of activities and the "to do's" and then moments of peace when they are nestled in their little classrooms and in the designated spots and I am here ... tending to laundry, grocery shopping and entertaining an almond eyed beauty who will be missing her much more fun and imaginative play companion.

An exchange from Lively Life to a more "organized" but chaotic one will reconvene in the days to come ....
Isn't it always hard to get back into the swing of "normal" ... whatever it may look like in your home. That break from it, that much needed reprieve from the mundane of day to day to days where you wonder what each moment will bring, how you will fill your time and well, honestly, how you'll ever get anything done - including the laundry - unless life brings you back to mundane happens. So, guess what ... that laundry is still tumbling about in the dryer because, well, it doesn't have to begin until Monday ... does it?

BUT ... before the week starts and life goes back to "Normal", I thought I'd reflect on some memories and post a few pictures of our adventures to "Government Canyon Park" this past week to go hiking. We had a great time blazing the trails, hiding behind bushes, and picnicking together. Of course, Mommy had a great time testing out my new camera .. still so much to learn but still ... some great moments were captured! ENJOY!
Get ready to go "hiking"

Maliah gets her walking stick to make the long trek

The girls would run ahead and "hide" ... where are they?

Canyon meanwhile enjoyed climbing the trees, not hiding in them

Along the way we found a birds nest .... "no birdies in der" says Maliah

Finally ... Mommy gets to get her picture with the kiddos

Silly Canyon

Dakota ... joins the silly party!

WHAT IS UP ... it's 2009!

O.K. so first, I am SOOO behind on posting and blogging about the fam. Life seemed to go a little hay wire after the big Gala. I think for like, oh 7 months, I put things that I usually did on the back burner so that I could concentrate on those things that had to be done ... grocery shopping, working on the gala, laundry, loving on my kids, laundry, my husband, laundry, working on the gala, laundry, working on the gala, laundry and oh ... did I mention ... working on the gala and laundry. I swear ... those two things alone could consume a Mommy anywhere! All good sista ... all good! Did I mention, we raised another 8K for the S.A. Gala this week ... bringing my total to $40,000 raised! WHOOO HOOO go San Antonio and thank you Cedar Gap!

So, Christmas activities came and with that were my two oldest kiddos wonderful Christmas parties at school. It was so great to see them in their element. That is the one big stinker about older kids and the public school system ... this rule that seems to say, you don't get to be there unless it's "official". SO ... official it was and I was there to celebrate officially!

In Dakota's class I got to meet "Anthony" the infamous boy in our home who has been most recently calling my darling lady "pretty" (which happens to be a name only reserved for MOI), makes kissy noises at her and the likes. Of course, we had a few heart to hearts with our angel about Anthony's little behavior that wasn't so becoming to a lovely lady and was really getting on her every last nerve. Funny thing was big brother's response "I think I'll have a talk with ol' Anthony". Anyways, the point ... I met gregarious Anthony. He is a cute little guy who you can tell just lacks for a little attention. His love language is definitely quality time and physical touch (which is fine as long as he's NOT touching my lady!) because by the end of the party he was hugging my legs and not letting go!
Dakota and yes ... Anthony!

Dakota plays B-I-N-G-O

Canyon's party followed on the same day. Mrs. McCracken is such an awesome teacher and within moments I could tell why Canyon LOVED second grade and Mrs. McCracken. The kids cleaned the room to music and they all danced about ... including teacher who led the show. FUN might be her middle name! As she was about to open her present from Canyon she said "Oh class, this is from Canyon ... who is my ray of sunshine, class?" The ENTIRE class loudly proclaimed "CANYON IS THE RAY OF SUNSHINE" like it was well rehearsed. Grinning he turned to look at me .... hilarious ... he is well loved! During a game of "Freeze" to music the class was getting d-o-w-n together. Mrs. McCracken said "let's see the Canyon dance". There he went ... showing us his "Canyon moves". It absolutely was joy to see him and see that he had such personality and a place in his room! It was also eye opening to see that my little people are their own people ... making their own way!
Canyon and his YUMMY cookie!

Canyon and his buds

So ... came Christmas and all the fun. We did what everyone does. We ate lots, spent great time with family and friends and opened gifts. OH did I say gifts .... I am SOOOO pumped about my GIFT and I have to share! Hubby Daddy went all out this year and bought me a new DSLR camera. That's right, I am the proud owner of a new Nikon D80 camera. SO PUMPED! I still lack a telephoto lense I am looking for but I figure I should learn the ropes of the camera and all those photography words -- aperature, shutter speed, depth etc and what to do on each setting. It's all new to me but I will say, even in auto that camera takes some beautiful shots! Much to learn and yes ... a NEW hobby!
Christmas Eve ... All pretty with church to go!

Tradition -- new jammies -- the first gift of Christmas EVE!

The stable, Felicity and Patriot and of course ... a very excited DAKOTA

Maliah shows off her goods -- all accessories for her "itty bitty" Hannah Joy baby

Dakota showing off "Penny"


Well, there really isn't much to report. The kids are outside as we speak skateboarding. Dakota added to her well loved America Girl collection with the stable, Penny the horse, Patriot AND Felicity this Christmas so you guessed it ... she's upstairs playing until her horses are content.

I thought I'd post a few pictures for your enjoyment and prove we're all still doing well in the Martine fab five home!

You making any 2009 Resolutions? I'm still pondering on that one. I'll let you know what I decide. Perhaps ... learning that D80 is definitely on the list!
Here's a few fun pictures taken on my D80 ...
Maliah skateboarding and Dakota drinking our "New Years Hot CoCo"