Sunday, January 30, 2011
My home is a construction zone. Every nook and crevice of it feels out of sorts and honestly, it is making me crazy! I know their is a beautiful end in sight and this is simply a means to the end and so we press forward ... living in chaos.
As I have been watching the past few weeks all the work go on, I realized that my life on the inside is not much different than what it is on the outside these days.
The Lord has a few themes going on in my life this year. One has been to simply SURRENDER! That's a toughy for a girl who struggles with control issues. Really ... surrender? I am working on this daily. Some days I am better at it than others.
A second theme in my life is "Identity". This one goes back as far as I can remember. At 36, he's still constructing me here. Identity that's a toughy too!
We're adding closets, built in bookshelves and a door in our once "playroom". It is a messy job to say the least.
The closets were framed out and slowly we could began to see the shape of our plans take form. Next came the sheetrock. That one was a doozy. Lots of cutting was involved and the mess it made was horrid. Dust, flying dust!
I think I have been the same. I came to know the Lord in 1996. He built my framing then and you could begin to see the structure of the plans he was putting into place. Over the next 5 plus years, the construction was messy for sure! Battling an eating disorder (yes, I'm that transparent ... I have nothing to hide and Victory to claim), the sheetrock construction was horrid. He did a lot of sawing away and just like our own project, just when we thought we were making progress, we realized we hadn't wired for the lights. UGH, the lights! Cutting more sheetrock out, re-wiring and re-installing took us more than a week off our schedule. The same went for me during those 5 years. On the days that I thought I was coming along, he'd begin to sculp me and re-wire me some more causing all sorts of dust!
The cabinets have been installed in the room and the paint is on the walls now. It's really beginning to take shape but you can't quite move in. We still lack trim work, doors, closet interior work and some painting. There is such progress being made and we are so so close to the day we can finally move all our stuff that is cluttered in all the rooms back into it's home. It's beginning to take on it's new identity as a "bedroom". But, just as that begins to happen ... we take a little detour. The doors aren't in. Nothing to install yet ...
Yep, we decide to add some crown molding downstairs while we await the doors to come in. Oh my gosh, you should now see the house. All that cutting and sanding again is making it really dusty and my house is now a total construction zone. Upstairs was just starting to take shape and then we go and add all this.
Looking back over the past 13 years, I can see that I too have been much the same. I've come a long way. You can see my shape. I still lack some trimming out and painting. You for sure can't call me done ... I still have some work to do. But I was and am on my way. I recently heard someone say once "The Lord is less worried about where you've been, or where your are and more concerned about what you are meant to be". Beautiful. A new bedroom, crown molding, upgrades. That's where we're meant to be.
Then ... a trial came. No joke, I call it a trial and it was for sure one in the grand scheme of my construction. Full of prosecutors and witnesses alike, I sat in a room and the enemy began to do a little detour in my progress. Identity. I listened intently as some pretty hard and hurtful assaults were thrown my way. The dust was flying! I literally had to sit on my hands and ask the Lord to close my mouth from what I wanted to say back in my flesh. He did. He was present! Identity As the enemy who knows me so well sat on my shoulder that night, he whispered "your not worthy, your not welcome, your not loved, your worthless". He added "they can't hear you, they don't want to see you and they don't want to know you. The don't care about your Identity". UGH ... the agreements all over again. Just as the Lord had made so much progress in my life, the enemy totally threw a detour in the plans. The enemy was creating a mess that night. The dust was flying! What I didn't realize was that just like my "Crown" molding that would make such a beautiful finish on that second job ... the Lord too had his own finish ahead. He was and is still at work. Identity
As I drove away that night, I wept in tears. Big, ugly, snotty, tears! I was a mess! I felt worthless, unloved, unheard, not understood. I wanted to crawl out of that house. I wanted to hide. Disappear.
The dust was awful!
I got to a light and sat. Turning on the radio, the Lord said "look at that crown". Identity
The song played and these are the words he spoke to me!
Posted by Cristie at 4:26 PM
Sunday, January 23, 2011
The doors flung open and there stood a beautiful, almond eyed, black haired little girl still dressed in her PJ's jumping up and down! "I so esited, I so esited, I can't believe I asked Jesus into my heart tomowow"! Jumping into my arms with her legs wrapped around my waist and her arms around my neck like a little monkey, she squealed in delight! Of course, tomowwow was actually yesterday, but it didn't matter because Jesus and one very excited Mommy will forever remember that moment!
"Welcome to the family, precious Maliah, welcome to God's eternal family. Mommy is so excited for you. Mommy is so excited that you invited Jesus into your heart"!!
Together we jumped up and down and hugged and hugged. Maliah is now not just my daughter, but a part of my eternal family!
It's true!! That very precocious, very curious, 5 year old precious beauty melted our heart just 12 hours prior. Sitting on the floor in the middle of her room, she held Mommy and Daddy's hands while her big brother and big sister laid their hands on her. Together we prayed the prayer .. the one spoken from her lips that asked Jesus to be Lord over her life. From her little precious lips she spoke such precious words "Thank you Jesus that you forgive my sins, thank you Jesus that you died on the cross for me, thank you Jesus that you love me ... and then, Jesus will you please come into my heart?"
As I sat in church today, my eyes began to fill with tears. It's every believing Mommy's dream to know that their child has taken Christ into their heart. But this morning something even deeper sat in me. A deeper truth sunk into my heart!
I got to be a part of that story .... Jesus did it! He brought an orphan, who would have never known his name, placed her in our arms and then through us and sometimes in spite of us, showed up BIG in her life! Our Jesus loved our Maliah so deeply that he chose her, plucked her out of the middle of a country who doesn't give free opportunity to know him, from the middle of an orphanage full of little girls just like her and made her HIS ... FOREVER!
I began to well up in tears. The reality that he chose me! The reality that I got to be some small part of that story he wrote overwhelmed me! I got to be just a little seed of the sweetest moment ... all because he called me and all because, through our fears and our worries ... we said "YES"! Oh, thank you Jesus, that we said YES!
The angels are rejoicing and no doubt, our Jesus is full of joy today as he celebrates Maliah's adoption. Again. This time, not the daughter to Doug and Cristie Martine. Not the heir to any inheritance we may leave her. No, on January 22, 2011, we got to celebrate an even more joyous and a more celebrated adoption day! On January 22, 2011, our Maliah became an heir to our precious Jesus's inheritance! On January 22, 2011, our Maliah, was adopted into a family greater than any family we could provide ... HIS FAMILY! On January 22, 2011, our Maliah, became the daughter to the King of Kings ... for ETERNITY!
September 4, 2006 - GOTCHA DAY!
September 5, 2006- ADOPTION DAY!
January 22, 2011 - ETERNAL ADOPTION DAY!
We love you, Maliah Jade Xu Martine! You are a princess indeed!
Posted by Cristie at 10:13 AM